So Not How I Wanted To Spend My Birthday
by blackNdeadly
Summary: A little one shot for my bestie...Moya's birthday does not go according to plan when her best friend decides to do something stupid...add in a mother who just happens to be hulk, Moya was so not planning for this to happen on her birthday...


**Hi,**

**So this is a little tidbit for my bestie Moya, and its for her birthday…I came up with this crazy idea and I thought it would be funny…this is a one-shot, so enjoy and I hope it makes you laugh.**

**To Moya, Happy Birthday Chickadee…You have put up with my crazy ways and crazy ideas and you still call me friend. Thank you and you truly are one of the best friends I could ever ask for…Enjoy…**

**I own nothing but the story…all Marvel Characters are owned by Marvel…**

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><p><strong>So Not How I Wanted To Spend My Birthday<strong>

"You didn't…" I whispered.

Selena, my crazy and wild friend shifted on her feet. "I was experimenting! How was I supposed to know that this was going to happen?"

"You call casting a spell experimenting? Selena, look at me!" I squeaked. I looked at my reflection in the mirror again and sighed. Of course Selena would cast a random spell from the internet. Sometimes I swear she was blonde. She surely acted like it. And of all days for this to happen, it was my birthday…and I so was not planning this on my day.

"Look, I just wanted to go an adventure with you and well, it didn't exactly go to plan." Selena grimaced.

I had to be dreaming, right? Because, just only a few hours ago, I had been in bed, watching the latest season of Girls and now, with not so much of a _wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am_, I just happen to be a in a short corridor, standing in front of mirror and my best friend was beside me. Only, we weren't girls, we were men…and not just any men. I was wearing a suit of spandex, with a stars and stripes pattern and it was in the colours of the American Flag. Bitch please, no offense to the Americans…I happen to love you mob but I am proud Indigenous woman from Darwin…What the Hell…and that wasn't the worse of it…it seemed that Selena was also dressed as a male, and not just any male…this was _so_ not the way I wanted to meet Robert Downey Jr, but here he was, and my best friend just happens to be in his body. Strangely enough, we saw each other just as who were originally were, but to the rest of the world and the mirror, we were Iron Man and Captain America respectively.

"Captain? Tony?"

We both turned to see the source of the voice and I groaned, wishing this really was a dream. Standing in front of us was a Scarlett Johansson look-a-like and no, she was screaming at me, saying "Eyah Slut…." Like I always dreamed she would. Perhaps I needed to stop watching Black Comedy if I kept dreaming about Scarlett twerking and saying 'What dis then slut?'.

But instead of twerking, she just blinked, and stared at the position that Selena, sorry Tony and I were in. "Are you two feeling alright?"

Selena shook her head and gave the woman in black a tight, polite smile. "Hey sis! Look, I need to talk to the bro here for a moment…huh, I need to talk to the…uh…Captain in private. Just girl talk…"

I gave her a look, clearly not amused by her statement. She grabbed my arm and together we left the Widow and headed into a small room. I slammed the door shut behind me and stared at my best friend. "Start talking…now…"

"Okay, I was browsing Pinterest, like we always do and I came across this spell that supposedly take you into the world of Supernatural and because it's your birthday, I thought it might be nice to see if we can take a trip to see Jensen Ackles but I might have been watching The Avengers when I watched it and well…I didn't think that the spell would work…" Selena ranted.

I sighed. "Obviously it did…Well, is it a dream or real life?"

Selena then reached out and pinched my arm. "Ow!"

"Sorry…obviously not a dream…"

I glared at her. I looked around the room and I frowned, as it appeared to be a lab of some sort, which kinda suits Selena, as she was in the body of Ironman.

"Okay, so, if we are here, then why am I in the body of a superhero and you just happen to be a billionaire playboy? I mean, it's friggin Captain America…Ain't nobody got time for that! What the bloody hell am I wearing? It's ghastly…" I snapped.

Selena sighed. "Moya, you're Captain America, of course you're wearing a spandex suit…hey, I have a chest plate made of energy strapped to my chest, so consider yourself lucky. Now we've figured out who we are, we need to find Mum…and figure out who she is…"

"Say what now?"

Selena grimaced. "Mum might have been sitting next to me when I casted the spell…"

"Yeah, last time I'm ever gonna invite you into my house again…Bloody hell, out of all of the daughters in the world, I just happened to give birth to a dumb blonde." A voice spoke from behind us. We turned and saw Selena's mum, Sharon, dressed in grey pants and a white shirt. I couldn't tell who she but I had the funny feeling that I wasn't going to like it when we find out who she was.

"Mummy!" Selena squealed, running over to her mother and hugging and kissing her. I noticed that some men dressed in black had walked passed the lab and was staring at the scene confused. Oh right, to me it looked like a normal daughter hugging her mother but to the rest of the world, Tony Stark had just jumped on a random dude and kissed them on the cheek.

"Mummy I'm sorry…I won't do it again…and besides, I'm brunette! We're smart…" Selena said.

Both Sharon and I glared at her. Sharon cleared her throat. "You sure that you didn't dye it that colour?"

"Look, I'm sorry! Like I told Moya, I didn't think it would work…" Selena protested.

"Oh it did…and now I'm in Spandex!" I muttered

"And I'm the Hulk…" Sharon informed us. Selena and I turned to her, our faces paling.

Selena made a face. "You're…the Hulk?"

Sharon sighed. "Which is why I've been trying to not get too worked up over this situation..."

"Fuck me dead…we're up shit's creek without a paddle…" I whispered.

"Up to our elbows, _sans_ boat or paddle…" Sharon muttered. "How did this spell work? I mean, magic doesn't exist, so how did this work?"

"Magic is real, mother…or otherwise we wouldn't have Harry Potter…" Selena remarked.

Sharon slapped the back of her daughter's head. "I couldn't have raised you to be that stupid…Oi…"

Just then, the door opened, drawing our eyes. We all smiled at the people entering the room, trying to look innocent but failing miserably. I sighed when I realised that the people that had entered was Black Widow and she had brought friends.

Selena's jaw dropped when she took a look at the first guy, who just happened to be a ripped blonde with long hair. "Oh my God…it's friggin' Thor," She saw the rest of the men, "And Fury…and Hawkeye…oh God…"

She lowered her voice and stepped closer to me, leaning into my ear and whispering in a giddy and slightly sultry voice, "Moya, if Thor is here, that means Loki is not far…it means Tom Hiddleston is in the building..."

I sighed, and Sharon groaned as Selena looked like a fangirl whose Christmas had just come early. That probably wasn't the way she was supposed to react, because the three newcomers stopped in their tracks and shared a baffled expression.

"Uh, yeah, I see what you mean," Fury said, and Black Widow nodded in confirmation.

"I think you are right—this could be my brother's doing." Thor spoke, staring at Selena who happened to be staring at Thor like a love-sick child. Sharon slapped her again.

"Aye slut, don't do that. Thor is here…" Selena muttered. If the newcomers were confused, they were even more confused now.

"Besides, can't even slap…" Selena smirked.

Sharon groaned as I rolled my eyes, knowing what she was doing.

Selena nudged me. "E'yah slut, can't even sing…"

I didn't want to give into this ridiculous game, but I couldn't help it. "Can't even exercise…"

Selena gasped mockingly. "Can't even drink…"

I turned to her. "Can't even eat…"

She gasped again. "Well, then…can't even shop…."

"Can't even dance…"

She placed a hand on her chest and then started to twerk. "Well, what dis then slut?"

I dropped to the floor and proceeded to stick my butt out as I came back up. "What dis then slut?"

She thrust her hips, swinging back in forth in a ridiculous way. "What dis then slut?"

And from there, we both had just full on started a pathetic dance war and after doing a move, we said 'what dis then slut?'. I heard Sharon behind me groan and I think I even saw her face-palm. I knew that the Black Widow, Thor, Hawkeye and Fury were now even more confused and probably thinking 'WTF?'. I didn't blame them. We would have kept going if it wasn't for the loud whistle that Black Widow set off and Selena and I stopped, turning to the group.

"I'm not even going to ask…I'm just gonna assume that you're on drugs and that's all…" Hawkeye muttered.

"Well, it could be Loki's doing…perhaps he's placed some sort of spell on them…Shall I pay him a visit?" Thor asked.

"Oh can't we just summon him? I mean, you can can't you? Oh, is it like calling an angel? Like how Dean from Supernatural does when he calls on Castiel? Oh exciting! Loki you big hunk sexy god of a man, get your sexy ass here now, you big spunk!" Selena gushed.

If I could laugh, I would because the looks on the others faces were priceless. True God, I don't think I never saw such shocked looks on their faces.

Black Widow was the first to recover. "Right…yeah, I'm thinking a visit to Loki is needed…"

"No need, I've brought him with me." another voice spoke from behind us and it was Maria Hill, who had an arm on a very strange looking man. The man had black, shoulder-length hair slicked back and a heavy long coat brushing his calves. He was dressed in black, green and gold and I knew right away who it was. And so did Selena…A strange sound came out of her mouth.

"Hi…." She spoke in creepy voice, before suddenly sighing and then collapsing to the floor.

"Oh for the love of God…of course I get the daughter who just happens to be a dumb blonde…why me?!" Sharon snapped.

"Right...like that wasn't weird…at all…" Hawkeye commented.

Loki frowned at Selena's body. "Why did the Man of Iron faint at the sight of me?"

"Oh, so you don't know why three of my agents are suddenly acting weird?" Fury muttered.

Loki scoffed. "I have no clue what you're on about. Perhaps Man of Iron simply lost his mind…"

I snorted. "You're the God of Trickery and Mischief. If anything, the spell that Selena cast has you written all over it!"

Fury, Hawkeye, Thor and Widow stared at me before suddenly Sharon's arm shot out, her fingers wrapping around Loki's throat. I watched in horror as my best friend's mother's muscles ripple, her skin taking on a green hue. "Mummy is angry…" She growled, squeezing.

Selena stirred from her spot on the ground. She opened her eyes and took in the sight of her mother choking the love of her life. "No, mum no! He's you're future son-in-law! He can get women pregnant by just a look with those pretty green eyes…"

Loki's eyes widened in panic as the rest of the mob just stood in shock, not sure of what to do. Selena stood up, trying to pull her mother of Loki.

I sighed, taking a seat on the chair as the roar of the Hulk unleashed from Sharon's mouth and I watched how the other agents sprang into action, trying to pull off a hysterical Selena, well in their case a hysterical Tony off a greenish Sharon, well Bruce, who was choking a tied up Loki.

This was nuts…and so not how I wanted to spend my birthday…


End file.
